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April 30, 2012 Enter your password to view comments.

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Proving Yourself Wrong

April 29, 2012 § Leave a comment

You’re answering a test.

You know what is being asked and you know how to accurately answer all the items.

But.

Your mind refuses to give out the information that you need, and no matter how much you try to squeeze something out of your brain, nothing comes out.

You’ve told yourself a couple of times to try.

To try harder.

“You can do this,” you tell yourself.

Breathe in, breathe out.

You are very much capable of answering that test with ease. You know that.

And then suddenly, you feel frustrated.

You hear the ticking of the clock, echoing as loud as a drum in your ears.

20 minutes left.

You feel stupid.

You feel pressured.

You feel angered.

Your confidence starts to crumble into dust. Your mind starts to shut down on its own. You think that everything you believe in is complete and utter bullshit.

You then realize you failed. Not just the test.

The bell rings.

You failed.

You failed yourself.

You failed at life.

—–

July 2011

What I felt while I was answering a very important Math long test.

I wrote that right after taking one of the most important exams in college. I really wanted to break down after all papers have been passed, but I didn’t want to do it in front of so many people, though I managed anyway by getting my phone and typing/writing what I felt right at that very moment.

Admittedly, I studied for the exam. I studied too hard, actually. I answered all odd-numbered items in the book, and 5 other sample long tests (2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010). I even timed myself while doing so. In addition to that, I studied a few minutes before taking the actual test. Consequently, those lead to my brain shutting down when I needed it the most. It stopped.. functioning. Like what I said, I tried so hard to squeeze something out of it. But nothing came out. I don’t claim to know everything, but I swear I knew how to answer all of the items during the test. But my brain refused to listen to my command. I can’t really put the blame on it since I was the one who overused it. But I guess I’ll just have to accept what happened.

I know that this doesn’t change the fact that I screwed up. And that at that moment I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I just felt so lost, so stupid. But then again, one thing’s for sure: Life. Goes. on. I just have to learn how to go with the flow. Everything happens for a reason anyway. Right?

17 Again

April 28, 2012 § 5 Comments

Warning: just another brat post.

What’s a birthday without any wish lists? After all, there’s no point in celebrating my birthday if I don’t get what I want! Just kidding. Lol, I sound so spoiled. Seriously though, I appreciate it when people give me gifts, but it would be much much nicer if this time around I don’t just receive generic things such as mugs, tumblers, tops, or anything similar to that. Get it?

Moving on, this wishlist consists of things that can be bought with money. I have another 17 wishes that’re thought of as abstract, though I’m still contemplating if I’m going to post them here and let the world know about my inner most desires… or not.

Ang daldal ko lang. Anyway here you go:

17 Shallow Wishes (“Materialistic Side”)

1. Training/gym Bag

Summer league season’s about to begin, which means I’ll have to go back to training with my Frisbee teammates soon! It’s been a while since I last formally played frisbee (or even train hek hek). From what I remember, the last game I participated in was Summer League of last year pa and I didn’t even get to finish the league because I got grounded! I never got to join any of my team’s trainings after that. <//3 Well, it’s been a year. I also need a training bag because dance classes are about to start! It’s been a while, gah. I need a new training bag that’s big enough to fit my training clothes, frisbee shoes, and things for school, and is small enough to carry around the campus. 🙂

2. Running Shoes

It’s been a while since I last ran or hit the gym too (halata naman ata ‘to eh). Schoolwork and orgwork’s taking so much of my time that I hardly have enough time for myself! My brother’s right, taking three 3-unit subjects is the worst decision I made this year, academically speaking at least. Anyway, I want new running shoes!!! 😦 Maybe it’ll inspire me to start jogging again. 🙂

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I am 16 going on 17!

April 28, 2012 § 2 Comments

1st post: April 28, 2012 | 12:00 AM

It’s official, NINE days to go until I turn seventeen.

You may ask, “Seventeen? So what?

Turning seventeen doesn’t seem special to most people; it isn’t a debut, nor is it the coming of age sort of thing in any culture (yes, I googled, all thanks to my SA21 class). There isn’t really much transition to adulthood, and of course, freedom (which I’d like to define as the ability to make our own choices chorva) is still a tad bit limited.

However, I plan to make it different for me.

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